Is bonding critical? Yes! Feeling loved is essential for learning and growth.

What is bonding? In humans, it is the formation of strong emotional attachments essential for the creation of healthy relationships. For several years in the early 2000s, I presented workshops for WIC health professionals about the critical importance of parent-child bonding for healthy growth and development.

During this time, I had the pleasure of working with Susan Miller, MPH, author of “Oh, Baby! Grow, Baby!” Here is an excerpt from the resources she created that were the foundation of our presentations:

What a beautiful package deal Mother Nature put together for a baby’s feeding time! –warm, nourishing breastmilk, tailored to the infant’s needs nutritionally, plus loving, gazing, cooing, touch, warmth, and mother’s familiar heartbeat. How wonderful! Bonding and attachment take place as baby is nourished. Hormones are produced by the stimulation that make baby’s brain develop and grow. Trust is developed as the baby learns that when hunger strikes, like a stab in the tummy, the mother will respond. Trust and security become love over time, and the infant grows and thrives, laughs, learns, and develops. What a wonderful idea to pair nourishing and nurturing together, so that every baby gets both at feeding time!

Parents benefit from learning about the importance of bonding.

During the workshops, we showed portions of a video titled, The First Years Last Forever, which was created as part of the I AM YOUR CHILD campaign. This video was produced in 1997 and is narrated by the late Rob Reiner.

In the video, pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton is shown holding an infant and demonstrating for the parents how, when he and parents compete for an infant’s attention, parents always win. I wondered if that would happen if I did it, and decided to give it a try in our WIC clinic. Here’s what happened…

Parents experience bonding through a simple demonstration.

I was doing a one-on-one second contact with the mother of a two-month-old and an 18-month-old. Now, this wasn’t a mother who dripped with sweetness and baby talk. She was the kind who pulled her toddler around like she might rip his arm out of the socket. A little rough around the edges, you might say. But certainly capable of being a loving parent.

We were talking about being able to read a baby’s signals, and I mentioned how a newborn can recognize its parents’ voices and suggested we see if, at two months of age, her son would prefer her voice over mine. So we tried it, and sure enough, he turned right to her.

I didn’t realize what an impact it had made on her until later in the day when she was back in the clinic, this time giving a ride to a friend who was in to be certified with her newborn daughter. This client had heard about what I had done with her friend’s baby in the morning, and wanted me to try it with hers.

Sure, I’d love to try it again. When I started talking real sweetly to her baby saying things like, “Jamie, do you like our pretty lights…” all that mother did was click her tongue, and that baby girl turned right to her.

Was that mother thrilled? Did that simple act demonstrate better than anything I could say how much her baby needed and wanted her? You bet it did. I repeated that simple demonstration many times during visits with parents and newborns. It never failed.

Why is the role of bonding so important to communicate to new parents?

Because the following true story told by a workshop participant reflects a common misconception…

A new mother comes in to certify her newborn, and the baby cries the entire 40 minutes they are in the clinic. The baby is left in the car seat except for weighing and measuring. The mother refuses to pick up the baby and comfort her, saying, “I can’t get attached because I have to go back to work.”

We discussed how to address this inaccurate belief during the workshops so that we could help parents learn how achieving independence later, an important goal, results from building trust and security first, which results from parents being warm, loving, and responsive.

In next week’s post, I will share a true story of parents bonding with an adopted toddler who missed out on these experiences as an infant.

Stories are powerful. Did you catch my last two posts with some of my favorite stories?

• Want to make a difference and change lives? You can. Drive the magic bus.        

• Why do stories inspire success better than statistics? They connect.        

“Building a strong bond of trust and connection with your child is the foundation for a healthy and positive relationship.” ~ T. Berry Brazelton

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